Nobody's Fault But Mine
by Lynn-G
Summary: after Dean's revelation at the university Sam wants to know more tag Bugs i know summary sucks just bear with me 'kay?


**Disclaimer: **Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke, i'm just having fun with the characters, not looking to make money. **Characters:** Sam, Dean,John  
**Genre:**Gen  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Summary:** after Dean's revelation at the university Sam wants to know more tag Bugs  
(i know summary sucks just bear with me 'kay?) **Author's Note:** Thanks so much for my Beta Dania you're the best ILU!!

**Nobody's Fault But Mine**

He'd never been happier to see a sunrise in his life,

Dean sighed in relief pressing his forehead against the shower's cool tiles.

He had had some doubts on the chances of surviving this night, but one thing he was sure about, if he didn't see bees for the rest of his life he'd be perfectly happy.

Turning off the water, he stepped out of the shower and turned to the mirror. He ran a hand on his face grimacing when his fingertips brushed over bee stings, he'd have to be careful when he shaves for a while.

There weren't too many stings on his body, who knew so many layers were good against raging bees. He'll have to remember to thank Sam for his "put on some more layers" idea.

"I'm back" Sam's voice came through the bathroom door, And Dean sighed one last time, schooled his features and got out of the bathroom. "Hey"

"Hey" Sam replied doing a quick once over at Dean making sure that his big indestructible bro was still just that. He took off his overcoat, throwing it on his bed "so, you look pretty unscathed" he pointed out needlessly.

Dean resisted the urge to roll his eyes, "yep, how you did?"

"Haven't checked yet" Sam muttered

"At least we know you're not allergic" Dean grumbled, groaning as he laid back on the bed his whole body ached

Sam looked on barely hiding the worry he felt, Dean was never this subdued after nights like this. "Hey Dean?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you feeling okay?" Sam asked coming closer, Dean's eyes still closed.

"Yeah" Dean breathed quietly surrendering to the fatigue that kept hold of him for the last few days, he had a feeling that he was coming down with something, but didn't want to worry Sam so he said nothing.

"Sure ya are" Sam muttered, slowly coming closer making sure that Dean did fall asleep, then bent over to check him for fever.

Sam frowned he was a bit warm how he didn't notice this before? Than again Dean made people see what he wanted them to see most of the time.

He decided to let his older brother rest, so he made sure everything is locked and secured. Then he took his clothes off, fully intending to finally get to try that steam shower Dean was talking about.

30 minutes later, he was out of the bathroom finally feeling clean and relaxed. He checked Dean's fever again, feeling a bit relieved to find the fever has decreased a little bit. He pulled a water bottle out of the fridge and a bottle of pills to lower what was left of the fever and put them on the nightstand beside Dean.

It was time he'd take care of the older hunter for a change, he decided.

He lay back in his own bed, but couldn't bring himself to relax enough to sleep. So he stared at the ceiling thinking over what Dean had told him the day before,

_"Sam, Dad was never disappointed in you. Never. He was scared. "_

_"What are you talkin' about?"_

_"He was afraid of what could've happened to you if he wasn't around. But even when you two weren't talkin'…he used to swing by Stanford whenever he could. Keep an eye on you. Make sure you were safe."_

His mind reeled with that new piece of information, he wanted to talk to Dean about it, more than that, he needed to find out all about his time away from his family.

He turned to face Dean's bed when the older hunter shifted in his sleep, Sam sighed in relief when Dean didn't even stir, they'd rest today and leave with the rest of the town's folk tomorrow.

The next day, Sam looked at Dean discreetly checking him over for any lingering affects from whatever ailed him the day before. But he seemed fine back to his usual charming smart-ass self. _'Thank god for that'_ and he had made sure the fever disappeared completely before Dean woke up.

It always unsettled Sam when he saw his big invincible brother sick or injured.

Because than he had to face the fact that he was only human like the rest, and he could lose him one day, he knew he won't be able to bear that.

Sam sighed at his morbid thoughts, "Hey!" Dean called snapping his fingers to draw Sam's attention "you okay?"

Sam nodded, smiling inwardly at the typical display of Dean Winchester's famous over protectiveness.

"Okay, ready to go?" Dean asked looking at Sam as if assessing how true to his word the younger hunter really was. Sam nodded again and Dean apparently satisfied with what he found led the way out of the house.

Before leaving the town they said goodbye to Larry and Matt.

Joining Dean by the car Sam said "I wanna find Dad."

Dean sighed softly "Yeah, me too."

"Yeah, but I just…I want to apologize to him."

Dean looked at Sam curiously "For what?"

"For the things I said to him. He was just doin' the best he could."

"Well, don't worry, we'll find him. And then you'll apologize. And then within five minutes, you guys will be at each other's throats."

Sam laughs at that, "Yeah, probably. Let's hit the road."

"Let's" and they moved getting in the car synchronized as ever.

After a couple of miles driving, Sam looked at Dean with a question in his eye, like he was assessing whether it was wise to ask.

"What?" Dean grouched. Sam grinned inwardly, Dean hated when he stared at him. He said that it makes him uncomfortable.

"About what you said the other day" he started carefully, "About dad"

"What about it?"

"How do you know?"

"What?"

"How do you know he came to see me?" Sam asked slowly like he was talking to a really slow kid.

"He told me" Dean didn't volunteer more

"Dad doesn't just inform of his doings Dean, I doubt he just told you" Sam rolled his eyes, fishing for more information

Dean was silent for a couple of minutes. Sam waited patiently, knowing that pushing Dean was never the answer. It would just make him shut down.

After a few minutes, Dean sighed than started to talk, "Six months after you left, we had a fight, a full on blow up. Bobby muttered something about how we took long enough"

Sam gave half a smile, it sounded just like Bobby, but Dean fighting with Dad? That was just not right. Dean never disobeyed the man or contradicted him on anything, let alone around people.

"Anyway, it was just before a big hunt" Dean continued oblivious to Sam's pondering

_Flashback_

"Dean this is what I want and that's exactly how things will go down!!" John's voice rattled the Impala

"This is a mistake dad!" Dean yelled just as loudly "you're going to get us killed!!"

"It's a Wendigo, this isn't the first time we killed one and probably not the last" John ground out not exactly sure how they got into this fight in the first place and why the hell was Dean, of all people, the one to question him.

"If we were sure it's an actual Wendigo I'd be just fine with it. But we're not and you're leading us into the woods to run around, AT NIGHT, half cocked!!

"He's got a point there, John" came the unwelcome opinion from the shotgun side.

"Shut up, Bobby!!" John snapped making Bobby mutter something unpleasant under his breath which sounded distinctly like _club him over the head and leave him as an evening meal to whatever is in that forest_.

John pulled over and got out of the car, going to the trunk and started to arm himself, Dean followed unhappily doing the same but before John closed the trunk he spotted Dean taking a tazer gun and sticking it the back of his pants.

"I'm not wrong, Dean"

"You never are" Dean sarcastically retorted.

_end of flashback_

"You said that to dad?" Sam looked incredulously at his big brother.

"What? It's not like I always agreed with him, I just made sure you weren't there to hear them" Dean retorted.

"Why the hell not?" Sam almost pouted.

"Coz at first you were too young, than you were too disrespectful as it is."

Sam frowned, but Dean didn't see since his eyes were on the road and he continued talking.

_Flashback_

John led the way, the woods were silent which was definitely a sign of trouble. Dean kept having a nagging feeling that something is watching them. Suddenly out of nowhere, something came from his left dragging him with it.

"Dean!!" he could hear his dad call for him then Bobby he tried to call back. But whatever grabbed him smashed him against a tree trunk causing him to see stars. He felt being thrown to the ground, blinking away the darkness which crept into his vision Dean sighed inwardly. A Rawhead, just like he said, Dean reached for the back of his jeans only to find the tazer gone.

He tried to look around frantically only to have his head trying to roll off his shoulder, '_concussion_' he thought dazedly.

The Rawhead saw fit at that moment to drag him back up and start dragging him along again, "Dad!!" he managed to call this time before the Rawhead too late to shut him up, smashed his head against another trunk. This time he didn't see stars, in fact he didn't see nothing at all.

_End of flashback_

"What??" Sam practically yelled

"Dude, personal space" Dean reminded irately

"I cannot believe that dad was wrong"

"That's what bothers you?" Dean rolled his eyes. This is so like Sam to revel at their dad's mistakes, even when he just told him he lost consciousness while being capture by an ugly brutal Rawhead. Unfucking believable.

"No of course not, what happened next?"

"Of course not," Dean retorted sarcastically "anyway that all I remember, Bobby told me they found me moments after I had called out and said that I was smart bringing the tazer with me in spite dad's "reassurances", then he sat down for another hour talking me into letting dad into the room."

"You didn't want dad in the room?" Sam looked incredulously at the older hunter.

"If he only listened to me, this whole mess wouldn't happen in the first place" Dean replied with a smirk.

"True" Sam didn't argue "so how bad were you hurt?"

Dean smiled inwardly, even John's mishap wasn't enough to make Sam forget the fact Dean was injured; and even though it was a long time ago he could hear actual worry lacing his little brother's voice.

"Bad enough for dad to bring me to the hospital, you know the head wounds rule" Sam nodded "but not enough to keep me for more than a night, had one bitch of a headache for a few days though."

"That's good, but that still doesn't explain how dad told you."

"Patience kid" Dean retorted and ruffled Sam's hair, "I let dad in the room, I didn't say I'd forgive him."

_Flashback_

John came into the room, hands shoved deep into his pockets, his face an actual display of remorse, "Hey Ace, how you doing?"

"How do you think?"

"Come on Dean, I said I'm sorry."

"I don't want you to be sorry dad, I want you to listen, and take advice from others, who by the way took the time to research this case!!" Dean replied angrily, he did the research on this one, and the fact that Bobby believed him and not his dad stung "I want you to care enough to be careful."

"What are you talking about? I am careful." John frowned.

"And that's why I was taken by a Rawhead while searching for a non-existing Wendigo?" Dean retorted.

"You've got a problem with how I manage things?" John's tone dropped dangerously.

"Quite a few, sir."

"Look you're injured and obviously not thinking straight."

"I'm thinking perfectly fine," Dean growled "you may dismiss me but I will have my say. You managed this family like an organized field unit, you treated us like privates rather than your sons. You threw Sam out coz he didn't stand up to your demands" he listed John's failings one by one, "Now you have this idiotic idea that I will follow you blindly into an early grave."

John tried to speak but Dean just held out a hand stopping whatever reply John might have made.

"I miss Sammy, but I will not leave you." he clarified "But just because you don't care about anything anymore, doesn't mean I feel the same." Dean summed up, pinching the bridge of his nose, his eyes squeezed shut, he really did have one bitch of a headache.

John was silent, Dean had never talked to him like that. Sure they had their disagreements but this one seemed more like he was butting heads with Sam rather than Dean. Kid missed his brother and here he was being an ass _'way to go Winchester'_ he'd never change, he knew that, but he could do something to make Dean feel just a little bit better.

"Dean" he laid a hand on Dean's shoulder "Ace, look at me."

Dean met John's eyes tiredly, his green emeralds suspiciously bright. "I do care, about you and Sammy." he stressed "you two are my boys" he continued "and all I want to do is to keep you safe, I swear to you that if I could have prevented you getting hurt tonight I would have." he gently squeezed Dean's shoulder.

Dean nodded, relaxing under his father's touch. John smiled in relief, that meant Dean forgave him, even though he didn't deserve it, he loved that kid.

"Get some rest," he urged Dean to lie back down "I want to show you something tomorrow."

Too tired to do anything, Dean just nodded and complied. John sat with him all night daring anyone to try and move him from his kid.

The next morning after checking out from the hospital John decided taking Dean for little trip the place was nearby so it shouldn't exhaust Dean too much.

"Dad, where are we going?" Dean asked, he knew this place it looked suspiciously familiar, John pulled over at the far end of the parking lot, moving quickly to Dean's side making sure he doesn't fall over, even after a night's sleep he looked far from hail.

He grinned inwardly when Dean shook him off "I'm fine dad, stop hovering." he grouched.

They both leaned on the Impala's hood. "Dad?"

"Dean?"

"It's Stanford"

"That's what the sign says, yeah"

"What are we doing here?" Dean turned impatiently to the older man.

John checked his watch than looked at the steps leading up into the university "look over there" he pointed

Dean gasped, there was his little brother with a few guys and a girl who seemed to be close to Sam's age. The girl was pretty, tall, thin and blonde _'good for Sam'_ he silently complemented his kid brother.

"Want to go say hello?" John offered "I'll wait here or I could come back later if you want."

Dean felt like hugging his dad but that didn't happen often so he held himself back.

He wanted to go to Sam, to talk to him, make sure he is safe and happy. But Sam made it clear that he wanted normal, and get away from them so he's decided to respect that wish no matter how much it tore him up inside.

He looked at his father and gave him a sad but grateful smile "Thanks for the offer dad, but I don't think Sammy will be happy to see me"

John lay his arm across Dean's shoulder in a rare display of comfort. "You sure?" at Dean's nod, he said "Okay, breakfast?" he offered "there's a great diner not so far from here"

Dean frowned "Wait a minute," he turned confused green eyes to his dad. "How do you know that?" he asked "In fact, how'd you know when Sammy will be out here so we could see him?"

Dean could swear that his old man looked sheepish for a second, but quickly dismissed that thought because the Winchester men did NOT look sheepish ever!!

"I've been frequenting this place every two weeks or so whenever I'm close." John admitted "Just to make sure everything's okay and normal." his lip quirked in disgust at the last word making Dean smirk in amusement at the gesture.

_End of flashback_

"Wow" Sam's inarticulate reaction got Dean to snort in amusement.

"Told you that dad was never disappointed in you" Dean said stealing a glace at Sam's wide eyed expression. "He was just looking out for you."

"Guess so" Sam mumbled, still astonished at the revelation "now I really want to find him."

Dean snorted not unkindly, "I said it once and I'll say it again we'll find dad, you'll apologize, and then within five minutes, you guys will be at each other's throats.

He couldn't help the grin tugging his lips at the younger man's laugh.

"Hungry?"

"Always" Sam replied good naturally, as Dean pulled into a diner's parking lot. It was comforting to know some things never changed.

The End

Comments Please **_puppy eyes_**


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